Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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