Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Randomize
