You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
