the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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