you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
