I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
