I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
