Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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