well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
