i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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