Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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