Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
