One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
