That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
