; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
