very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
