nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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