so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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