i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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