Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
