Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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