I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
