hotel room ftw
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
