After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
