Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
