Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
