It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
