i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
