yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
