oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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