i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
