dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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