trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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