I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i will never coherently bang her
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
