I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
