And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
