the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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