id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
