My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
