did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
