do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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