I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
