the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
