That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
