matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
