so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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