everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
