You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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