I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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