We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
